genuinely my fav comedic monologue

Hanging out with your smartest and funniest friend. Did you just grow? When I said hanging out with your smartest and funniest friend, you grown like that. Like that. You just did it again. First of all, a podcast takes a lot of work. Okay, you have to organize the guests. You have to do a Google Calendar. You have to build a following. It takes a long fucking time, and I've been working on it for a while. And then let me just say nobody likes you. Nobody likes you. Nobody likes you. You know when you're drunk and you cry to me, "Oh, my brain no one likes me because I'm mean and a bitch and I suck while you do." You fucking suck. And I only hang out with you out of pity and the suffocating weight of our shared history and that's it. And then another thing you're so obsessed with your rags to riches narrative as if you're the only fucking person who didn't come from money. Guess what? Your parents are upper middle class. They are, Jordan. They teach at a university. Oh my god. No one or so, VOD. I mean, who could date a spreadsheet with a fucking superiority complex? I mean, you're such a fucking... What the fuck? What the fuck, Jordan? Oh my god, are you serious? Did you just fucking shoot me? You're just fucking shot me. That's a gun. You're the fucking murderer, are you free? You fucking murder, Daniel. You're such a fucking bitch. I've never been shot before.