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👉 Here is something crucial to understand about why this happens to you as the first step to overcoming it. More below.. If this situation is affecting your relationship, I cover it in much more detail in the my new book ‘Open When...’ it was an instant no.1 Sunday Times Bestseller (link in bio). …It’s normal for affections and expressions of love to fluctuate in healthy relationships. But if the slightest sign of disinterest from your partner sets off alarm bells in your mind and has you fearing the end of the relationship, the subsequent urgent attempts to get reassurance can cause damage to the relationship over time. Learning to feel safer in relationships starts with understanding something crucial about how your brain works. When the brain sets off that fear response it doesn’t have all the facts. It only has a few clues to go on. So, it tries to make sense of what is happening now by referencing memories of when things felt similar in the past. If signs of a loved one going cold in the past meant the possibility of rejection or abandonment then the brain goes with what it knows and sounds the alarm to tell you this is an emergency. But the reason that knowing this is so valuable is this: the fear you feel in those moments is not only to be understood by what is happening now but also by what you have been through in the past. So you can begin to get familiar with the scenarios that tend to trigger a false alarm because they feel similar to past experience. Then you can learn to spot false alarms as they happen and choose to respond in the way that you know works best for your relationship today instead of living out patterns from the past. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out (link in bio) and was an instant no.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in around 40 languages.
If you start to feel anxious when you haven't heard back from your partner or when you haven't seen them in a while, you start to worry that they ...
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Oh my god, my hammer! Rumi, did you drop this iron hammer or this golden one? I only want what I lost. You told the truth. Take this and fix your ...
👉 Here is something crucial to understand about why this happens to you as the first step to overcoming it. It’s normal for affections and expressions of love to fluctuate in healthy relationships. But if the slightest sign of disinterest from your partner sets off alarm bells in your mind and has you fearing the end of the relationship, the subsequent urgent attempts to get reassurance can cause damage to the relationship over time. Learning to feel safer in relationships starts with understanding something crucial about how your brain works. When the brain sets off that fear response it doesn’t have all the facts. It only has a few clues to go on. So, it tries to make sense of what is happening now by referencing memories of when things felt similar in the past. If signs of a loved one going cold in the past meant the possibility of rejection or abandonment then the brain goes with what it knows and sounds the alarm to tell you this is an emergency. But the reason that knowing this is so valuable is this: the fear you feel in those moments is not only to be understood by what is happening now but also by what you have been through in the past. So you can begin to get familiar with the scenarios that tend to trigger a false alarm because they feel similar to past experience. Then you can learn to spot false alarms as they happen and choose to respond in the way that you know works best for your relationship today instead of living out patterns from the past. 👉 If this situation is affecting your relationship, I cover it in much more detail in the new book I have been writing, so watch this space for more to come. 📘 Also check out my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages
If you start to feel anxious when you haven't heard back from your partner or when you haven't seen them in a while, you start to worry that they ...
Your emotions are not random. They often come with an impulse… but the impulse is not always the need. Anxiety may want avoidance. What may help is safety. Anger may want attack. What may help is a boundary. Sadness may want withdrawal. What may help is comfort. Jealousy may want clinging. What may help is reassurance. Guilt may want rumination. What may help is repair. Shame may want hiding. What may help is compassion. Overwhelm may want freezing. What may help is less load. Loneliness may want isolation. What may help is connection. Frustration may want quitting. What may help is flexibility. Numbness may want disconnecting. What may help is gentle safety. The more you understand what your emotions need, the easier they become to work with. If you’d like practical psychology tools to understand your mind, regulate emotions, build boundaries, confidence, habits and more, my Pocket Psychologist Mini Course is linked in bio for the details.
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👉Be careful, people-pleasing feels like it’s keeping you safe...until you realise you’re saying yes to things you don’t believe in... you’re being quiet when you know you should speak up... and you’re choosing approval over integrity. The result is you look nice and agreeable on the outside, but feel completely screwed up inside; resentful, confused, and lacking any sense of control in your own life. 👉 I talk about this and how to turn it around in my multi million copy bestseller, ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ And my New Sunday Times & New York Times bestseller, ‘Open When…’
I'm a psychologist and he's a big mistake that most people make. They think that being a people pleaser makes you a good person, but the truth is,...
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I'm back, let's talk a sec. They have the time. Let's, "VSAP baby" Hurry up, don't be lazy. Hey, there's AP baby. Hurry up, don't say baby. Hey, t...
No wine needed … #afternoonroutine #tripmindfulblends #relax #tripaprilcontentchallenge
You don't need a poor glass of wine to decompress. You actually need to calm your body in mind. Trip mindful blends, night museum powder, with ash...
Relax and unwind with Trip Mindful Blends lightly carbonated drinks. They come in multiple flavors. #tripaprilcontentchallenge #tripdrinks #tripmindfulblends #mocktails #mindfulblend
Are you like me and you want to relax in the evening, but you don't want to pay for it in the morning? Well, I found a way to do that and I'll sha...
¿Quieres importar desde China?#importa #importacionesdechina #madeinchina #productos #undolar
If you want to import you from China and put a place, all of them are sold in your country. There are more than 30,000 products here and all of th...
@Trip #magnesium #ashwagandha #mocktails #nonalchoholic #tripaprilcontentchallenge
Now that the weather is turning nicer, everyone's going to be grabbing some beverages and I'm going to be grabbing these trip beverages. They are ...
The perfect Filipino everyday lipstick shade! #affordablemakeup #otwoo #fypã‚·ã‚šviral #otwoophbeauty #otwoolipstick
If that is the lipstick shade and finish it, you have to try this lipstick and I recommend it to you. Look how perfect that shade is. This one is ...
He has worked hard for his family all his life. Please don't ignore your husband's feelings.#tea #ginsengtea #gojiberry #fyp #healthy
I am Maka. I can replenish your blood and fill your body with strength. I am Jinsing. I can boost your energy, strengthen your constitution, and e...