Healthy love does not require you to shrink yourself or carry the relationship alone. Reciprocity, repair, and emotional safety are not too much to ask for. This is for educational purposes only and not to be misconstrued as therapy. #TikTokLearningCampaign #learningontiktok #relationshiptips #couplestherapy #redflags

If your partner does any of these things, it's a sign that something in your relationship may need to change. I'm Melissa DeFarris Thompson, I'm a licensed couples therapist and I used to think that these behaviors were normal before I became a therapist. That's just how relationships go. But healthy love does not require you to shrink yourself or beg for effort or question if you matter. And there are people out there who will meet you with care, consistency and emotional safety without you having to plead for it. So let's talk about a few red flags I see all the time, week to week in my psychotherapy room. Number one, you feel like you're the only one bringing up problems. You are always the one saying, can we talk, can we fix this, can we work on this. Healthy relationships have two people invested in keeping the connection healthy. Number two, they get defensive instead of curious most of the time. Any time you share a hurt, it turns into an argument about how you were wrong for feeling it. That shuts down emotional safety. You start editing yourself just to avoid conflict. You think twice before speaking, you water down your feelings, you keep things to yourself because it feels easier than dealing with their reaction. That is not comfort. That is self abandonment. And number four, there is no repair after argument. Your fight then you pretend it didn't happen or one shuts down, there's no apology, no processing, no reconnecting, unrepaird moments stack up and create distance. Number five, effort feels one sided usually. You plan, you initiate, you check in, you carry the emotional weight of the relationship. Love is not meant to feel like a solo job. Number six, they minimize what matters to you most of the time. What is important to you feels small to them and over time you start to feel small too. You get hard, they emotionally disappear. Instead of leaning in, they shut down, pull away or avoid. Love requires staying present when it's uncomfortable as best as you can. So here's what I tell my clients. If you feel like you are over-functioning just to keep the relationship afloat, it might be time, might be time to pause and ask. What would it be like in a relationship where effort, care and repair go both ways? Because that kind of love exists. And if you're ready to understand your patterns and move towards the kind of connection that you want, take my free attachment quiz, the link is in the bio.