Avoidant breakup

When your opponent partner says you deserve more, you are just so incredible and there's someone out there that will find you just amazing. Or you've done everything perfect in this relationship. All of those lines are going to feel like shit if you're getting broken up with by an opponent when you attach a person. But the reason why they say those things to you is because of this core wind of shame. Okay? Most of the opponent when you attach people carry this deep belief with them that they are just not capable of love at all. They don't do relationships, they don't do love. And the core wind that they have of shame basically says, I am the problem. I don't do relationships, I am the problem. If you get too close to me, I'm going to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you because you're too amazing, you're too kind, you're too wonderful, right? Like the things they just told you. And the reason why that shame comes up is because they see the needs that you have. You want this amazing relationship, you want this amazing partner that's always there that can hear you out, validate you, meet you at your level emotionally. And they know deep down they can't be that person. And so to them it makes them feel like I am failing this relationship. Like it is me, I am the problem. Everything about you is perfect, but because you're with me, it's not working. They see your needs and they feel this inability to actually meet your needs and make you happy. Does that make sense? To them that makes them feel like they are failing, they are losing, they are the worst person ever. And you are the best person ever. So why are they hurting you voluntarily? It's terrible to them. It makes them feel a lot of shame. Why am I doing this? I don't want to hurt this person and I care about so much. So they feel shame, sometimes they can feel guilt. The difference between the two is very important. Shame is when they avoid it, things I am someone who hurts other people. And I feel shameful about that. Okay, guilt on the other hand is I hurt you. I ruin this relationship. So when they start to feel shame, like I am this person that fails relationships, I am this person that can never make it work. They immediately go into this withdraw mode. And when they withdraw, they're protecting themselves. So it's like a self-protection mechanism, does that make sense? And they just disconnect from the relationship from the connection they're feeling in order to find protection. And so why do they tell you all these wonderful things about you if they know like, okay, I'm part of the problem, but you're amazing. So why can't I just fix myself so that we can make this relationship work? Well, the reason why they tell you you're so amazing. And I am the issue is because they're basically validating themselves. They're justifying their decision to leave the relationship. You're amazing. I am the problem. I'm reminding myself why I'm doing this. Okay, goodbye. It's over. So internally, most importantly, attach people are thinking, why do I keep doing this? Why am I like this? Why can't I show up for you properly? They just deserve someone better than me. So they're not just leaving you in the relationship. They're actually running away from this feeling of being inadequate and feeling so much shame around being in this relationship because they know they're messing it up.