living with ANXIETY…🌷🤍 #spokenpoetry #originalpoem #poetrytok

I'm exhausted but I can't sleep because what if something bad happens? Did I lock the door? No, I know I locked the door But did I actually lock the door like feel the click here the click? What if I imagine the click? I'm exhausted, but my heart is beating so fast, and I'm not sure why I can hear it like it's inside of my ear I wonder if I'm dying I hurt my phone from the charger and Google says it's a heart attack Google says dehydration Google says anxiety Google says stop googling. What if I said something weird today? I definitely said something weird today What did I say that? Why do I talk why am I like this? They laughed, but what if they were laughing at me? No, they weren't But what if they were what if someone texted in their group chat and said I was annoying? I should text and apologize But for what I don't know maybe just in case my chest feels tight breathe in breathe out Why can't I breathe right and my breathing too much is that even a thing? What if I fall asleep and forget how to breathe? What if I don't wake up tomorrow or what if I wake up? But I'm too late and my seven alarms. I said just don't go off for some reason and I miss my exam And what if my professor fails me because I miss the exam and what if because my professor failed me? I don't have enough credits to graduate. I'm a failure I'm such a failure What if I try writing instead and nothing is good. I'm a loser. I'm such a loser with no degree no sleep And I can't even write a good sentence anymore. What if my friends are tired of me? What if they only invite me because they feel bad? God, I'm exhausting. It is so exhausting being me Do I have enough money for a coffee tomorrow because I just check my bank account and I'm broke? What if I'm broke forever? What if I can never afford a house? What if I end up alone in some apartment with flickering lights still googling symptoms at 2.17 a.m. 2.17 a.m. Why is it always 2. something? Why does the night feel like it has teeth? A hearing noise from the kitchen was that the house settling or someone inside it. Did I lock the door? I know I locked the door But did I actually lock the door? My brain won't shut up. I want to turn it off just for 5 minutes Just 5 minutes of peace and quiet But what if the silence is too loud and then it tells me I forgot something and I search and I search and I search But for what? I don't even know. I just know if I stop worrying everything will fall apart So I keep worrying like I'm holding this guy up with my bare hands because if I let go then we all die