#datingtips #relationshipadvice #relationshipgoals #anxiousattachment

Secure men may feel like an avoidant in the early stages of dating. If you are used to dating avoidant men who text you every single day and make sure that they see you once, twice, three times a week. Because for you, you are used to the constant bombardment of text messages or constant attention. And you use that as an indicator for interest versus a secure man. He's going to show his interest by how well he tries to get to know you in person and how much effort he makes to fit you within his already busy schedule. He is not going to stop working, working out, hanging out with friends, taking care of his own needs just to make you happy. A secure man is going to focus on building connection versus just chemistry. Connection is about getting to know you, taking things slow when it comes to hooking up, taking things slow when it comes to building moments together. He's going to ask you deeper questions to get to know you. He's going to make sure you feel safe. He's going to make effort and you're going to feel secure when you're with him. But he might not text you every single day in the beginning stages. He might not go out of his way to make sure to see you in between work trips or if he's having a super, super busy time in his job right now. He may be going and actually making sure that he can fill his own cup and take care of his own shit so that when he actually does hang out with you, he can be present and get to know you. Secure men are looking for alignment, which means he wants to build a relationship with you over time. But for us anxious girlies, if we're used to having that constant bombardment of attention and then all of a sudden we don't get it, we write really good guys off. We write guys who actually want to build a secure relationship with us off just because we didn't get, you know, good morning texts every day. So if sitting in that discomfort in the process of a slow burn is incredibly challenging for you, then this is a sign that you need to do some work. Because if you want to break your pattern of dating an avoidant man who bombards you with attention just to pull away after three or four months, you have to get comfortable with the slow burn.