8 Big Dumb Stupid Mistakes I Made In Federal Prison #federalprison #thankyoutiktokers #justinpaperny #prisonconsultant #whitecollaradvice

At 12.30 my first night in federal prison I felt a tap on my shoulder and my initial thoughts were this isn't great. It turns out after I surrendered I made a deal with a prison hustler who was going to bring me a better mattress and at 12.30 he was simply delivering it. That was a mistake number one. The next mistake was a few days later when I used the restroom and apparently I didn't wash my hands and from there from the restroom I went to pick up the pay phone and a prisoner said, "Hey, Doc, whatcha doing?" I said, "Call home." He said, "You just used the restroom. You didn't wash your hands. We all used that phone. Let's not do that again. Got it. I never did." A few weeks after that is the mistakes continue. I was visiting with my mom and I said, "Hey, Ma, can I get you anything from this incredible vending food cuisine? Anything I can get you?" She said, "I'd love a Coca-Cola. Great. I took two dollars from her wallet. I walked, began to put two dollars into the vending machine and a pretty courteous guard called me over and said, "I'm not going to embarrass you in front of your mother. Prisoners do not touch money. She has to get the Coca-Cola. You sit down. She gets whatever you need. It's the reason in prison we trade stamps to get things because we know touchy the cash." Another mistake I made. The standing count is a 10.30 and some I would exercise before the count and sometimes I would get back just in time and I'm drenched in sweat and I was too lazy apparently to walk 40 yards to the shower stall to change because one time I changed in my cubicle as quickly as I could but unfortunately my bunkie walked in and saw it and I said, "Sorry, dude. That will not happen again." Another mistake. It was Oscar Wilde who said he could resist anything but temptation. When I went to prison I gave up chewing tobacco and it was Copenhagen Red Man. I love it all, okay? But in prison I gave it up and then about four months after I went in my best friend Brad Fulmer retired athletes and, "Hey, Ma, I brought in a little bit of tobacco. I'm like, no, you did. He's like, "Yeah, I did. I'm like, I break it out." It's been a long time. Good three hours I chewed the tobacco, ruined my visit because I feared I'd get caught and when I thought I got caught, I chewed. I swallowed all of the tobacco. Another mistake. This was probably the most serious. In lessons from prison, my book that you can get for free, I wrote about a prisoner who questioned the existence of the Holocaust and upon my release he came across a copy of the book and expressed regret to some of my friends in prison that I had written it and he was I was fortunate and he said that I had already left and he was probably right. That was a mistake. Two more mistakes. Some dudes in prison rule the TV room like it is their fiefdom. Do not change the TV channel. But one day I thought it would be a good idea to change you from basketball to golf and then a long-term prisoner called me aside and said, "What would have a problem if you ever changed the channel again to anything that I do not approve of?" I said, "I appreciate the feedback. Thank you." Last but not least, I developed a huge hernia in prison. I was told to not run, lack the discipline to not run, so I continued to run, get hurt or hurt. Is that even a word? More injured than upon my release drop-8 grand with Dr. Stanley Kukenbecker at UCLA Hospital to take care of her hernia surgery. The BOP said they would not fix. Those are mistakes. If I had more than three minutes I'd share hundreds more.