American moms are operating in survival mode so constant they've normalized it as just motherhood, but it's specifically American motherhood shaped by American dysfunction. The mental load of: calculating which public spaces are safe, mentally preparing for school shooting notification, managing healthcare access tied to employment, budgeting for childcare that costs more than rent, performing parenting for judgment from other stressed parents, justifying every choice to people who claim to support you. That's not universal motherhood experience. That's American motherhood in country that doesn't support mothers or protect children. Moving your family abroad isn't running away from responsibility. It's taking responsibility seriously enough to remove your children from environment actively harming them while everyone else pretends it's normal. The moms who relocated their families aren't braver or wealthier or more capable. They just hit point where staying felt more irresponsible than leaving, and they had information about how to actually execute relocation instead of just wishing for it. Most American moms know things are bad. They're just stuck in: don't know where to start, partner won't consider it, can't afford it, kids would hate it, family would judge, seems too complicated, maybe things will get better. None of those are actually barriers. They're just reasons to delay decision that feels overwhelming. But staying in place that's grinding you down while waiting for perfect plan or perfect timing means staying indefinitely. Because perfect doesn't arrive. You just get more entrenched in situation you know is wrong for your family. Watch video for what changes when you stop accepting American motherhood as only option. Link in bio for moms ready to get their families to actual safety instead of managing constant background fear. What would motherhood feel like without constant baseline anxiety? ๐๐บ๐ธ
@nomadveronicaTranscript
Things I say no to as a mom who moved abroad. It's changed what I'm willing to tolerate. And here are the seven things I absolutely refuse. Number one, performative parenting. I used to care what my kids looked like and how they presented themselves. And now I do not. I want them to dress for the weather. I don't care if it's what you deem to be appropriate or not as long as it's weather appropriate. I want them to be kind people. But aside from that, I don't need to put on a show. I don't need them to look some specific way and present themselves in a way that I or society is going to find the most palatable. Number two, active shooter drill trauma. I am not about that. We moved abroad because we were in fear of our kids safety and they are safe as we've lived abroad. Now there's been a school now that gets funding from the United States government 'cause it's an American school abroad and they still do active shooter drills. And guess what? I keep my kids home because I'm not going to let them live through that. We are safe over here abroad. That does not happen over here. And I'm not going to let them live through the trauma. Number three is toxic positivity about moving abroad. I hate this idea that unless it's perfect, it was not worth doing, full disagree. It's hard to live abroad because it's hard to live everywhere. But that does not mean it wasn't totally the right decision. It absolutely what we needed to do for the safety of my kids. Number four is feeling guilty for leaving my family abroad. Those people are adults. They could make the decision to leave if they wanted to leave. But I am also an adult and I chose to have children. So it is my job to protect that family with everything that I have. And that meant moving abroad because they were not safe, statistically in the United States like they are having taken them abroad. So I am not going to feel guilty that other people did not make the same choices to get their selves to safety. Number five, cultural integration pressure. I know that it's all the rage on here to make sure that everyone says that they're an immigrant and not an expat. But the reality is I am not an immigrant yet. I have lived in three different countries on three different continents over the last five years. We have not decided where our forever home is going to be. So no, we don't know the cultural integration expectations of any particular place. I don't speak the language and I am okay with that. Not gonna feel bad about it. Number six, justifying my choices to other people who decided to stay in the United States. And that goes for the whole white internet just because I've decided to share my story online and talk about moving my family abroad. I do not need to justify why we chose to do it. The number one thing that I get flack about is that we were running away instead of running to something. And I just don't care. Yeah, we freaking ran away because the United States is a shit show. Don't feel bad about it, I do not. That's just the reality. We ran away, we haven't picked the right country yet. We're three countries in and we're just figuring things out. But the entire time, the five years we've been gone, it's always been better for my kids than if we had stayed in the United States waiting for the perfect plan. And number seven, I am rejecting all the American consumerism that has followed us all the way abroad. We live in communities where there is a lot of Americans. My kids have gone to American schools in the last three countries. And that means that they have a lot of consumerism amongst them. They ship their items from the United States and they have entire houses outfitted with very fancy furniture and all of their belongings from America. And we don't have that. We have minimized and we have just what we need to exist in this country. And my kids have gotten used to that. We focus on experiences over things and we do not accumulate to the point that we have the 300,000 objects like Americans have. We try to keep it simple and focus on being a family and not just gathering stuff in each new country. If you're a mom who's looking to change your American life and make it a life abroad, I can help with that. I moved my family abroad five years ago and now I help other American families to do the same. In a one-on-one exit playing consultation, I can help guide you through 217 different visa options that might be right for you and get you on a path where you can get your family to safety.
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The life you've built in America isn't the life you wanted. It's the life you could scrape together under constraints of: wages that don't cover basics, healthcare tied to employment, housing costs consuming half your income, constant financial stress, survival mode as default state. You didn't choose misery. You chose best option available within impossible constraints. But those constraints are geographic. Change geography, change constraints, change what's possible. The apartment you can barely afford in America becomes the nice place with breathing room abroad. The paycheck that barely covers survival in America becomes the income that allows saving abroad. The constant stress about one emergency destroying you financially becomes manageable situation where emergencies are expensive but not catastrophic. Same income. Same skills. Same person. Different location. Completely different life. You're not stuck because you lack resources. You're stuck because resources you have don't work in location you're in. Move those resources to location where they work better, and you're not stuck anymore. But moving requires: tolerating uncertainty about how things will work out, being uncomfortable while figuring out new systems, releasing familiar patterns even when familiar is miserable, trusting you can build better life from scratch. Most people choose familiar misery over unfamiliar uncertainty. Devil you know feels safer than devil you don't, even when devil you know is grinding you down. This is why people stay in: jobs they hate, relationships that don't work, locations that don't serve them, lives that feel like slow suffocation. Because at least they know how to survive current misery. Unknown is terrifying even when unknown might be better. But what if you're not choosing between misery and uncertainty? What if you're choosing between: familiar misery that will continue indefinitely, or temporary uncertainty that leads to actually building life you want? When you're in survival mode, you're making choices based on: what's cheapest, what's fastest, what gets you through next month, what keeps crisis at bay. Not what you actually want. What you can manage given constraints. Those choices compound into life that doesn't reflect your preferences. Reflects what you could piece together while drowning. But when you move somewhere your income works better, you're not in survival mode anymore. You have breathing room to choose based on: what you actually want, what serves your family, what creates life you're proud of. That's not small difference. That's the difference between life you're enduring and life you're choosing. Living in America isn't default you're stuck with. It's choice you're making every day by not choosing differently. And choosing differently is available to you. Link in bio for people ready to choose. What would you choose if survival wasn't consuming all your energy? ๐๐บ๐ธ