How to "Remove" an Avoidant's Fear of Commitment! #Relationship #lawofattraction

are avoidance actually afraid of the concept of commitment? Yes and no. If you ask an avoidance, are you afraid of commitment? Some of them will be like, yeah, I'm not comfortable with it. Some of them will say, I'm not afraid of commitment. I just don't want to. Right? And so that difference is really important to understand. Because when someone thinks of the word afraid, they think it's presented in like a very rigid way. Right? How do I even explain it? It's not fear like, okay, there's a there's a gator outside. Let me call in more control. Not really. Sometimes avoidance might actually feel that feeling a little bit. But typically, it's like you're afraid of something so you're very rigid. So an example is if someone is like socially anxious, right? Social anxiety. They're not like terrified of the social situation. Some people are, but some people what they do is they actually just build their life around that so they don't have to socialize. Another example is agoraphobia. Let's say, yeah, they don't want to go outside in. They're afraid to like lose a family member or they're afraid of something like that. It can happen if like, let's say one time you left your house and then your grandmother passed away, right? So that's part of the development of it among other things, right? And so you're afraid to leave because you don't want somebody something bad to happen. You associate that. Social anxiety is like you associate humiliation or discomfort, whereas agoraphobia is not socializing, but it's leaving a certain particular area going to a certain place where you feel like something negative is going to happen, right? And these behaviors are not, oh, I'm feeling so afraid. I'm terrified. I'm shivering in my bedroom. I need to hide under the blanket's type of deal. No. It's usually like they live a very rigid lifestyle to avoid it. And that is very similar to avoidance. They live a very rigid lifestyle to avoid commitment. They almost have no room for relationships. They're always busy. They're doing five or six different things. They have a very small window where they can do anything. They avoid people sometimes, not because they're uncomfortable talking in front of people unless they have a conjunction of issues, which is okay, right? But particularly about the attachment issue, it's just that they live a lifestyle that doesn't have room for commitment. So they can say, hey, I'm too busy or I don't have time for committing or my life is not in that way. And so they're being their rigid against their fear of commitment. And that's some maladaptive aspect. So yes, it is fear, but the root of that is fear of losing control on certainty, not being accepted and fear of failure. So when you say, are you afraid of commitment? Sometimes it doesn't register. And so usually, the way to manage around it is that they want to know they are safe. And that's the main aspect. And we're going to talk about how to make them feel safe. But that's what it is. How to overwrite that fear is to make them feel safe and accepted. Truly, that's really it. Now it's simply simple to say, not simple in practice. And I'm going to give an example. If someone is afraid of heights, they're not actually afraid of the height itself, right? They're not afraid of like, if they look at a building, they're terrified, it's going to come and beat them up. No, right? They're afraid that if they are on that height, that they will fall and hurt themselves, they're afraid of getting hurt, right? And so sometimes managing that is if you're in an apartment building, like the city, like in an hour north from where I am, there's like really tall buildings, right? The people at the top floor are not shivering in their bed thinking, okay, I'm so afraid. But if they didn't have walls around that house, yes, they would probably feel afraid. Because what makes them feel less afraid is that they're safety, safety measures, right? And so if they feel like they're safe at that height, the height is not necessarily going to scare them. It's the same thing. If they feel like they're safety in the relationship and you're not going to hurt them, you're not going to call them a failure, you're not going to make them feel uncertain too much, right? You're not going to take over their entire life. They're going to be, they're not going to be afraid of commitment anymore, right? So they just don't want to lose their space autonomy. They're perceived identity and they don't want to be humiliated. They don't want to be controlled. And they don't want to feel like they're making the wrong decision. So let's talk about how to do that now that we went over the details of what that looks like so that you are aware. The first one is you provide built-in space in the lifestyle means having separate activities, not all activities have to be separate, but some of them you have separate friends, you allow time for decompression when needed.