The next time my desk-mate tries to start a fight about my stuff encroaching on their space I'm using @hotfunnysmartmotti’s method. #standupdesk

Ever since I started transitioning, I've been wondering how I do in a physical fight. I always knew how I do in a verbal fight because I was president of my sorority. I got attacked at a cafe the other day. The guy was much bigger than me. He was really scary. At some point, he actually started shooting finger guns at me. And all I could think to do in that moment was this, which is either like the toughest or gayest thing I've ever done in my life. I got top surgery two years ago. That's when they remove your breasts and they make your chest more masculine. Turns out my incisions guards form the sound wave to a Joe Rogan podcast. I was born in 1996. So I'm on the cusp of Gen Z and Millennial. And I think a lot of times that just manifests as me feeling like a boomer. I was walking down the street with my friend the other day and she offered me her vape. And I was like, "Oh, no things I don't do nicotine." She was like, "Oh, it's not nicotine." I was like, "Oh, cool, it's a weep pen." And she was like, "No, it's not a weep pen." So I was like, "Okay, it's one of those like flavored vapor air things." She was like, "No flavor." Like, "Okay, that's your binky." That's your baba. I don't know what you want me to do with that. (audience applauds)