my NEW book 'the morning after' is out on amazon🩵🌼… #poetry #spokenword #poetrytok

Sometimes I wish to be sick to prove that I'm struggling. I wish my depression came with a fever. High enough for someone to put the back of their hand against my head and tell me I didn't look well. I wish the emptiness in my soul would show up on blood tests. I wish an x-ray could point to the exact place inside of me that's hurting. I wish I could cough up all the things I cannot say and leave them bloody in the sink so nobody could tell me I'm being dramatic. Sometimes I wish my body would finally look the way my brain feels. I wish my eyes would bruise my bones would crumble, my skin would turn some terrible color that made people stop asking me why I'm so tired. Because when you're physically sick people let you rest. They bring you water, they tell you to stay home and no one calls you lazy for sleeping through the day. Maybe I don't actually want to be sick. Maybe I just want an excuse to stop pretending that I'm not. I want something people can see so they finally believe me. The saddest part of being depressed is not wanting to die. It's wondering how close you would have to get before anyone believed you were sick in the first place.