Asking @Maggie Crane if I should marry my office crush to be a wife or marry my office enemy to be a final boss. #standupdesk #officehumor #comedy #nyc

I did recently get married. Thank you, thank you guys. Anyone else here married? Everyone, yeah! I love being married 'cause I never identified as a girlfriend. I picture a girlfriend in my head. Girlfriends are always saying something like, oh my God, I forgot to eat dinner. And that's not me, okay? That's not me. I'm insane, right? I am a wife. I was born to ruin a man's life. You know what I mean? I'm gonna have, like, 15 martinis on a casual dinner and be like, I'm taking the kids, Michael! And the only reason why I wanna be a wife is 'cause the only way to be, like, the final boss, which is what? It's a widow. Oh, I'm gonna be always saying iconic things like, ugh, what would your father say? God rest his soul. (audience cheering)