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Americans say they want to move abroad. Then refuse to do what moving abroad requires. Not because it's impossible. Because it's uncomfortable. The comfort paradox: People tolerate permanent low-level misery in America (can't afford doctor, kids in danger at school, constantly stressed about money) because it's familiar misery. They won't tolerate temporary extreme discomfort (downgrade lifestyle, sell stuff, live like broke college student for 6 months) even though it leads to permanent improvement. Permanent discomfort they know feels safer than temporary discomfort leading to unknown outcome. Why people stay stuck: They've stretched themselves to their financial limit. Not because they had to. Because they chose to. $200/month streaming services they don't need $1,200/month car payments on vehicles they can't afford $2,500/month housing in neighborhoods they're stretching to stay in $150/month phone plans with newest devices $300/month eating out because "too tired to cook" All of these create: survival mode. Paycheck to paycheck. Can't save. Can't change anything. Stuck. But they chose these expenses. They're not mandatory. What getting uncomfortable looks like: Cancel everything: Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, HBO, all of it ($200/month saved) Downgrade phone plan, keep phone longer ($100/month saved) Move to cheaper apartment/smaller place ($500-800/month saved) Sell car, use transit/bike/carpool ($400-600/month saved on payment + insurance + gas) Cook every meal, meal prep, beans and rice ($300-400/month saved) No restaurants, no delivery, no convenience spending ($200/month saved) Total monthly savings: $1,700-2,700 In 6 months: $10,200-16,200 saved (enough to relocate family internationally) But that's uncomfortable: Roommates at 35 (embarrassing) No car (inconvenient) Rice and beans every meal (boring) Can't eat out (socially limiting) Smaller place in worse neighborhood (uncomfortable) Explaining to family why you downgraded (awkward) So people don't do it. They stay comfortable-ish and stuck forever. The right-wing accusation: "Pull yourself up by bootstraps" rhetoric gets used to blame individuals for systemic problems. That's not what this is. Systemic problems ARE real. Cost of living is genuinely unaffordable. Wages genuinely don't keep pace. But once you've decided those systems won't change and you're leaving anyway, the question becomes: what can YOU control to make exit possible? You can control: your expenses, your lifestyle choices, your willingness to be temporarily uncomfortable to escape permanently. The choice: Permanent comfortable misery in broken system. Or temporary extreme discomfort leading to permanent escape from broken system. Most people choose first option. Not because it's better. Because it's familiar. What "creative living" means: Eating rice, beans, eggs, cheap vegetables for 6 months. Living in smallest possible space. Having no entertainment budget. Saying no to everything that costs money. Being the "broke" friend who can't go out. Watching everyone else maintain lifestyle you've cut. That's temporary poverty. Chosen. Strategic. Time-limited. Leads to: enough savings to relocate + reduced expenses making income requirements easier to hit + proof you can live on less (which helps abroad). The people who actually move: Did this. Lived uncomfortably. Aggressively cut expenses. Saved fast. Left. The people still "planning" to move: researching while maintaining comfortable lifestyle that prevents saving enough to leave. No judgment. But be honest about which group you're in. If you're not willing to: Live in worse housing temporarily Give up car and convenience Eat boring cheap food for months  Cancel all non-essential spending Be uncomfortable socially and practically Then you're not willing to move abroad. You're willing to think about moving abroad while staying comfortable. Different things. Link in bio if you're willing to be uncomfortable temporarily to escape permanently. What expense are you unwilling to cut? 🆘🇺🇸

know I can come off quite harsh about the people who say that they want to move abroad but never take any actual action towards doing that. And th...

43824May 28, 2026

Replying to @smgroff When someone you love tells you they're in pain and identifies specific change that would alleviate that pain, and your response is "but I don't want to change," you're choosing your comfort over their wellbeing. That's not neutral position. That's active choice to prioritize your preference for staying same over their need to stop suffering. Family dynamics often normalize one person carrying disproportionate burden of everyone else's resistance to change. Usually that person is a woman. Usually she's told her pain is: dramatic, exaggerated, something she needs to work on internally, not serious enough to warrant disruption to everyone else's comfort. So she stays. And suffers. And tries to make it work. And feels guilty for even wanting something different. And her mental health deteriorates while everyone around her maintains their comfort by insisting change isn't necessary. This is how families trap people. Not through overt cruelty. Through collective insistence that discomfort of change is worse than one person's ongoing suffering. Through framing her pain as her problem to solve internally rather than family problem requiring collective action. But pain doesn't exist in vacuum. When one family member is drowning, "I don't want to get in the water" isn't loving response. It's abandonment disguised as preference. The fear of moving abroad - fear of unknown, fear of discomfort, fear of change - is valid fear. But it's temporary fear about hypothetical future difficulty. Her pain is current, ongoing, and deteriorating her mental health right now. Choosing temporary fear of change over permanent alleviation of her suffering is choosing wrong thing. And pretending those are equivalent concerns - his fear vs her mental health crisis - is false equivalence that prioritizes his comfort over her wellbeing. If roles were reversed, if he were telling her his mental health was suffering and he'd identified change that would help, and her response was "but I'm scared to change," everyone would see that as unacceptable. They'd tell her to get over her fear and support her partner. But when woman is suffering and family's response is "we're not doing that," it gets framed as reasonable disagreement instead of what it is: choosing collective comfort over her health. The test of whether you love someone isn't whether you're willing to maintain comfortable status quo with them. It's whether you're willing to be uncomfortable to alleviate their suffering. If answer is no - if your fear of change outweighs your concern for their mental health deterioration - you're not operating from love. You're operating from self-interest and calling it family unity. She doesn't need to keep sacrificing herself for people who won't sacrifice their comfort for her wellbeing. She doesn't need to stay stuck because other people are afraid. She doesn't need permission to prioritize her mental health over their preference for sameness. Link in bio for people whose mental health is being sacrificed to maintain other people's comfort. Whose comfort are you prioritizing over your own wellbeing? 🆘🇺🇸